Sunday, December 14, 2008

We Stopped Saying "I Love You"

Well, it's kinda hard to stop cold turkey when you've said it to each other an average of five or ten times a day for twelve years.

We would say "I Love You" when we leave for work, almost every time we talk on the phone---which is usually about 3 or 4 times during a normal work day---, when we come home from work, and then when we go to bed.

Doing the math...(I'm figuring it at eleven years, since we didn't actually say our first I LOVE YOU until a few months into dating and to make up for any days when only one "I Love You" was spoken...

At five "I Love You"s a day, that's 1,825 "I Love You"s a Year.

1,825 a year for 11 years, 20,075 "I Love You"s have been said. By ONE OF US.

For the most part, most " I Love You" statements are reciprocated, so that means that in the course of my relationship with my husband, about 38,159 "I Love You"s have been exchanged.
(I took away about 2000 in my figure there to cover for those "hmmph!" responses. You know what I'm talking about.)

38,159 times hearing or saying the same three words.

Some people might see that and think, "Awww, what a great thing to hear so many times!"

I see that number and the only phrase that comes to mind is desensitize much?

So both of us, almost together decided that at this point, saying those three words, almost seemed like an effort to convince the other of something. It's as if we're really saying, "I promise I love you. I swear. Ask anybody. Cross my heart and hope to die. " I think it got that way, because, for some reason, and this applies to both of us, we went from "I Love You, too" to "Really?" or "Do you?"

So our solution---skip the "I Love you" and when we're feeling that warm, full-heart feeling, we say, "You Love Me." It's a statement, not a question. Try it. When you say those three words out loud, it's important to put the emphasis on the word Love, if you want this to work.

("YOU love me" would come off as a demand, and while I do think that there are definitely moments that do demand that particular demand, you usually don't want this statement to be equated with one like, "YOU eat your green beans!"

"You love ME" sounds like a question, and that's not the point.

So just go with the emphasis on the middle word.)

What's the point of this post?

Ummm, I don't know. Except that I really can't describe how this little switch in syntax has positively effected our relationship. It's like, this is real. This is what I want to hear. Just knowing that he KNOWS I love him....WOW! Isn't that what we're going for? Isn't that what we're really trying to accomplish? To have someone else truly KNOW that you Love him?

So that's all I have to say.

You LOVE me.

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